Sometimes it's just how far I go down into the rabbit hole, but sometimes it's debt that cripples me from acting on my dreams. Pure and simple. My kneejerk reaction to the spectre of debt is to get mad because I have to have a day job. And who's fault is that? All mine. And I am certainly not alone.
Nobody loves the day job unless it happens to be the profession they have carefully chosen out of a very short list of passions.
For the most part I work as hard as I can to at least be grateful for my job, to care about my job. I owe the job so much. It provides for me because I screwed up and didn't figure out how to provide for myself without it.
My job was NOT chosen, it just happened and I have NO passion for it. But it's a perfectly lovely place to work, not a thing wrong with it.
The hole I got myself into was debt. Forget about any other dream, the fear of debt, the reality of debt kept all my good dreams at bay.
Getting out of debt is freedom which can lead to my being able to live exactly the way I want to.
Debt is a relative thing, too. I really don't have alot of debt by comparison. Nothing is late. Nothing is in crisis.
For today all I know to do is not spend, never charge, pay off debt as quickly as possible, and keep a job. By all means, keep a job. And then maybe I can pursue my dreams more fully, more confidently.
I live in a house of cards. I'd be lost without the job.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
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