Someone important in my life lives with the feeling of shame every day of his life. It is the driving force of his existence. Shame denies him basic confidence in himself, and drives his belief that his life doesn't matter.
Last week he had to put his dog to sleep and this broke his heart. His dog was his closest companion. He had rescued the one year old dog from an abuser, but over the next twelve years the dog was healed because he was loved and cared for.
So when it was time to put him down, he called me crying. I took off work to be with him when he said goodbye to his friend. And this man, so driven by shame, could not believe that anyone would use their vacation time to be with him on such a day. This is someone I've loved with all my heart for fifteen years. He still can't believe anyone cares about him.
When the dog was gone and we left the veterinarian office, I realized that he had managed to heal the dog of something terrible, but I have never been able to heal the man of the lack of self esteem he lives with every day. Maybe it's because he has bipolar disorder. Maybe it's because he's complex. But it's not because he's unworthy of love.
"We can judge the heart of man by his treatment of animals." Kant said it well.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
When you think you don't matter
After writing my last post I remembered someone I needed to thank. George Blooston. He was the finance editor of AARP magazine some years back (and my facebook friend) and he put out a call to talk to anyone buried in debt. I answered the call.
I fit the bill and someone interviewed me, wrote it up, all that. But George followed up. "Fax me everything" "show me your debt, your interest rates, everything." I did.
He called me. We talked for two hours. "You'll never get out of debt- not in your lifetime because you won't give up your credit cards."
This was the hard fact I needed to hear and believe. It had to sink in. When it did I got rid of all my credit cards, and as I said before....I'm only a couple of months away from being debt free. I no longer use credit cards and live within my means, on a budget.
George Blooston actually changed my life. I went to Facebook to thank him and found his obituary. I was devastated.
If you ever think you don't matter, or that you cannot change someone's life, just know that you can and you do every day if you take the time to care about someone else, and tell them the cold, hard truth they need to hear. It may be easier to help a stranger. They may never say thank you. They may not get the chance.
I'm not worthy of the help this man gave me. Upon reading his obituary I found out that he was simply marvelous and beloved, multi talented and revered.
George Blooston, 1955-2011
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=george-r-blooston&pid=153420731
I fit the bill and someone interviewed me, wrote it up, all that. But George followed up. "Fax me everything" "show me your debt, your interest rates, everything." I did.
He called me. We talked for two hours. "You'll never get out of debt- not in your lifetime because you won't give up your credit cards."
This was the hard fact I needed to hear and believe. It had to sink in. When it did I got rid of all my credit cards, and as I said before....I'm only a couple of months away from being debt free. I no longer use credit cards and live within my means, on a budget.
George Blooston actually changed my life. I went to Facebook to thank him and found his obituary. I was devastated.
If you ever think you don't matter, or that you cannot change someone's life, just know that you can and you do every day if you take the time to care about someone else, and tell them the cold, hard truth they need to hear. It may be easier to help a stranger. They may never say thank you. They may not get the chance.
I'm not worthy of the help this man gave me. Upon reading his obituary I found out that he was simply marvelous and beloved, multi talented and revered.
George Blooston, 1955-2011
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=george-r-blooston&pid=153420731
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Long time, no hear from myself
Measuring time is painful and if you are a blogger...and a writer...and you don't do either one for a very long time, you realize that...nobody may care, not even...one. bit. I do have many good reasons for not blogging, though. You know, the thing is- I don't know it all, and so I write what I know, which is not alot, then I go back for a year or more and I let others teach me something (thank you, Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, and Beth Moore) so that I can come back and share it with the e-verse, or at least start writing again for my one follower.
I can measure the last year and a half of my life by - three grandchildren, one cat love gone, another cat love arriving, parents with health issues, children with financial difficulties, friends in pain, friends having fun, cancer, two surgeries, facebook friends in pain, spiritual pursuits, reading books, and the day job. But what I will remember this time by is the journey to freedom that I am experiencing because in three months, I will be out of debt.
The last time I wrote I was struggling to get out of debt. I've been living on a budget for almost five years. The debt counselors call it a "tomato soup budget," but my health has no room for sodium and no budget for soup. I live paycheck to paycheck indeed, but I live. I pay everything on time. I have managed car repairs, home repairs, clothes (on clearance), occasional hair cuts and manicures (sigh), and Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts are tricky. I do so want to be wildly generous with the people I love, not frugal and worried or embarrassed about what I give them.
Let me repeat---Three more payments and I will be debt free. About nine months ago I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! It is not a train, as they say.
I still receive phone calls and emails lamenting from my friends in debt- and oh my gosh, are they unhappy...I just smile and say "you have to tear up your credit card and get on a cash plan." They ignore me and go to the wailing wall. I know a few folks who live off parents, live on unemployment for as long as it is humanly possible to pretend to be looking for a job (or actually looking and not finding anything at all), lots of people who pretend to be successful actors (posting on facebook anyway- things that are meant to make everyone jealous, but if you count- they are posting about two gigs a year- maybe $1K?) The thing is any of us would like to be living some easier way, but steady pay and steady chipping away at it works. Evil Debt will be behind me in three months.
(on a side note, one of my friends - an actor- refers to George Clooney as "George"- as if she knows him. OH MY GOSH. "I like George," she says. Really?????)
Now if the world ends in December 2012, I will be pissed off having spent one paycheck a month for five years getting out of debt when I could have been spending all that money on toys...or actually meeting "George" in person...
...not really. I would have never had enough cash to actually be in the same universe with "George." Hangin' with "George".
I believe that my debt ending will be the first freedom I have ever had, beyond the freedom given to me that I did not earn when I was born here in America. At least I can say I am earning this one and that makes me proud.
I can measure the last year and a half of my life by - three grandchildren, one cat love gone, another cat love arriving, parents with health issues, children with financial difficulties, friends in pain, friends having fun, cancer, two surgeries, facebook friends in pain, spiritual pursuits, reading books, and the day job. But what I will remember this time by is the journey to freedom that I am experiencing because in three months, I will be out of debt.
The last time I wrote I was struggling to get out of debt. I've been living on a budget for almost five years. The debt counselors call it a "tomato soup budget," but my health has no room for sodium and no budget for soup. I live paycheck to paycheck indeed, but I live. I pay everything on time. I have managed car repairs, home repairs, clothes (on clearance), occasional hair cuts and manicures (sigh), and Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts are tricky. I do so want to be wildly generous with the people I love, not frugal and worried or embarrassed about what I give them.
Let me repeat---Three more payments and I will be debt free. About nine months ago I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! It is not a train, as they say.
I still receive phone calls and emails lamenting from my friends in debt- and oh my gosh, are they unhappy...I just smile and say "you have to tear up your credit card and get on a cash plan." They ignore me and go to the wailing wall. I know a few folks who live off parents, live on unemployment for as long as it is humanly possible to pretend to be looking for a job (or actually looking and not finding anything at all), lots of people who pretend to be successful actors (posting on facebook anyway- things that are meant to make everyone jealous, but if you count- they are posting about two gigs a year- maybe $1K?) The thing is any of us would like to be living some easier way, but steady pay and steady chipping away at it works. Evil Debt will be behind me in three months.
(on a side note, one of my friends - an actor- refers to George Clooney as "George"- as if she knows him. OH MY GOSH. "I like George," she says. Really?????)
Now if the world ends in December 2012, I will be pissed off having spent one paycheck a month for five years getting out of debt when I could have been spending all that money on toys...or actually meeting "George" in person...
...not really. I would have never had enough cash to actually be in the same universe with "George." Hangin' with "George".
I believe that my debt ending will be the first freedom I have ever had, beyond the freedom given to me that I did not earn when I was born here in America. At least I can say I am earning this one and that makes me proud.
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