Living Life Ashamed

Someone important in my life lives with the feeling of shame every day of his life. It is the driving force of his existence. Shame denies him basic confidence in himself, and drives his belief that his life doesn't matter.

Last week he had to put his dog to sleep and this broke his heart. His dog was his closest companion. He had rescued the one year old dog from an abuser, but over the next twelve years the dog was healed because he was loved and cared for.

So when it was time to put him down, he called me crying. I took off work to be with him when he said goodbye to his friend. And this man, so driven by shame, could not believe that anyone would use their vacation time to be with him on such a day. This is someone I've loved with all my heart for fifteen years. He still can't believe anyone cares about him.

When the dog was gone and we left the veterinarian office, I realized that he had managed to heal the dog of something terrible, but I have never been able to heal the man of the lack of self esteem he lives with every day. Maybe it's because he has bipolar disorder. Maybe it's because he's complex. But it's not because he's unworthy of love.

"We can judge the heart of man by his treatment of animals." Kant said it well.