Letting go of everything negative that defined us in the past

Last summer my bigger-than-life dad, my very physically strong, tireless father, was bitten by a brown recluse spider on his way to a vacation weekend with my mother and their best friends.  He knew he'd been bitten, but he didn't stop driving.   Upon reaching the destination, my parents checked into their hotel and soon it was clear that my father had suffered the potential event that would change his life forever.

He couldn't move for one thing.  Once in the Emergency Room, it became clear he had been seriously injured by the spider.  Over a period of a few weeks, my dad suffered at least four surgeries on his arm to stop the flesh eating effects of the spider bite.  At one point it was reported to me that he might have his right arm amputated.

The daughter and grandson of the best friends stepped in for me- they were advocates for my parents in the hospital, errand-runners, listeners, and liaisons between family, doctors and everyone else involved.  Naturally my father insisted that I stay home, not to worry.

Now let me just say....I suspect my presence could cause a wee bit of stress which prompted his INSISTENCE that I not come.  I am rather high strung.  I'm certain my parents appreciated having someone else's children step up in their time of need.  Their own children can be rather trying.

The crisis passed but it set me on an emotional search for how to deal with my parents as they age.  They are going to age.  These powerful spirits who have had so much impact on my life will grow frail and vulnerable someday.  How can I be a better daughter?  As they age it will not be a time to harbor regrets from the past, not a time to blame.  It will become a time to release anything negative that defined us as a family in the past.  It will be a time for maturity, for forgiveness, for compassion.  It will be a time to encourage them to live well, enjoy life, enjoy each other, and not be afraid that their daughter would thoughtlessly plant them somewhere they don't want to be.  I want their trust.  How do I earn that now?

BUT they, and I, are going to remain the people we have always been.  Their personalities, their interests are not really going to change.   Changing a family dynamic is challenging.  If you listen to counselors or friends, they will say, "you can only change you."  But I believe a family can become new.  All of life is a transition of one kind or another.  But you have to let go of everything negative that defined your family in the past.  Everything.

The healing process was tough for dad, taking months.  My father exhibited a strength I didn't know he had.  My bigger-than-life, physically strong, tireless father was a bigger dad to me then than he ever was in the past. 

A spider sent him on a path of decline and gave him the opportunity to show what he is made of.  On the one hand he aged, on the other he grew as a man and made me proud. 

My challenge remains letting go of the regrets that I did not appreciate them enough in the past....the past....the past.