Monday, September 9, 2013
Started a new production company in three minutes .....
About a year ago I hired a coach to help me get on track, set goals, and work on building a career in the arts. I needed someone to hold me accountable because I am a procrastinator.
For the first few months he instructed me to set an alarm for one hour and write. Eventually he instructed me to set aside five hours each Saturday morning and go to "work". Recently he instructed me to make a list of everything I wanted to do and START working on them, for three minutes at a time.
You want to read more? Read one page. Takes about three minutes. You won't stop. Soon you are reading.
Even the things you don't want to do....get them over with!
You want to run? Put on running shoes, get out the door, takes three minutes. You might as well at least walk somewhere.
You want to clean your house? Three minutes to sweep. Three minutes to load the dishwasher....and on and on.
So in increments of three minutes I was instructed by my coach to start ACTIVELY living my dreams.
So yes, I started a production company in three minutes when I got a domain name.
You see my friend, Lisa, and I decided that we wanted to self-produce a web series that would give us a chance to shine as writers and actors- the primary goal being that we would get enough material to produce a reel for our agents. So we went out for happy hour and brain stormed a few times, finally landing on the perfect idea for us. We put the word out to our pals and on social media, and by the end of the day we had the director we want, the editor, a domain, and the first meeting planned.
The meeting included four hours of intense, hilarious, invigorating brainstorming and snacks. Deadlines for scripts, set ups to interview crew, and we are on our way. Oh, yes, putting some money into it to start the whole ball rolling.
Now we are setting goals to do a whole web series- with the dream of selling it and actually moving forward to bigger production goals.
Makes the work day at the day job almost worth it, right?
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Letting go of everything negative that defined us in the past
Last summer my bigger-than-life dad, my very physically strong, tireless father, was bitten by a brown recluse spider on his way to a vacation weekend with my mother and their best friends. He knew he'd been bitten, but he didn't stop driving. Upon reaching the destination, my parents checked into their hotel and soon it was clear that my father had suffered the potential event that would change his life forever.
He couldn't move for one thing. Once in the Emergency Room, it became clear he had been seriously injured by the spider. Over a period of a few weeks, my dad suffered at least four surgeries on his arm to stop the flesh eating effects of the spider bite. At one point it was reported to me that he might have his right arm amputated.
The daughter and grandson of the best friends stepped in for me- they were advocates for my parents in the hospital, errand-runners, listeners, and liaisons between family, doctors and everyone else involved. Naturally my father insisted that I stay home, not to worry.
Now let me just say....I suspect my presence could cause a wee bit of stress which prompted his INSISTENCE that I not come. I am rather high strung. I'm certain my parents appreciated having someone else's children step up in their time of need. Their own children can be rather trying.
The crisis passed but it set me on an emotional search for how to deal with my parents as they age. They are going to age. These powerful spirits who have had so much impact on my life will grow frail and vulnerable someday. How can I be a better daughter? As they age it will not be a time to harbor regrets from the past, not a time to blame. It will become a time to release anything negative that defined us as a family in the past. It will be a time for maturity, for forgiveness, for compassion. It will be a time to encourage them to live well, enjoy life, enjoy each other, and not be afraid that their daughter would thoughtlessly plant them somewhere they don't want to be. I want their trust. How do I earn that now?
BUT they, and I, are going to remain the people we have always been. Their personalities, their interests are not really going to change. Changing a family dynamic is challenging. If you listen to counselors or friends, they will say, "you can only change you." But I believe a family can become new. All of life is a transition of one kind or another. But you have to let go of everything negative that defined your family in the past. Everything.
The healing process was tough for dad, taking months. My father exhibited a strength I didn't know he had. My bigger-than-life, physically strong, tireless father was a bigger dad to me then than he ever was in the past.
A spider sent him on a path of decline and gave him the opportunity to show what he is made of. On the one hand he aged, on the other he grew as a man and made me proud.
My challenge remains letting go of the regrets that I did not appreciate them enough in the past....the past....the past.
He couldn't move for one thing. Once in the Emergency Room, it became clear he had been seriously injured by the spider. Over a period of a few weeks, my dad suffered at least four surgeries on his arm to stop the flesh eating effects of the spider bite. At one point it was reported to me that he might have his right arm amputated.
The daughter and grandson of the best friends stepped in for me- they were advocates for my parents in the hospital, errand-runners, listeners, and liaisons between family, doctors and everyone else involved. Naturally my father insisted that I stay home, not to worry.
Now let me just say....I suspect my presence could cause a wee bit of stress which prompted his INSISTENCE that I not come. I am rather high strung. I'm certain my parents appreciated having someone else's children step up in their time of need. Their own children can be rather trying.
The crisis passed but it set me on an emotional search for how to deal with my parents as they age. They are going to age. These powerful spirits who have had so much impact on my life will grow frail and vulnerable someday. How can I be a better daughter? As they age it will not be a time to harbor regrets from the past, not a time to blame. It will become a time to release anything negative that defined us as a family in the past. It will be a time for maturity, for forgiveness, for compassion. It will be a time to encourage them to live well, enjoy life, enjoy each other, and not be afraid that their daughter would thoughtlessly plant them somewhere they don't want to be. I want their trust. How do I earn that now?
BUT they, and I, are going to remain the people we have always been. Their personalities, their interests are not really going to change. Changing a family dynamic is challenging. If you listen to counselors or friends, they will say, "you can only change you." But I believe a family can become new. All of life is a transition of one kind or another. But you have to let go of everything negative that defined your family in the past. Everything.
The healing process was tough for dad, taking months. My father exhibited a strength I didn't know he had. My bigger-than-life, physically strong, tireless father was a bigger dad to me then than he ever was in the past.
A spider sent him on a path of decline and gave him the opportunity to show what he is made of. On the one hand he aged, on the other he grew as a man and made me proud.
My challenge remains letting go of the regrets that I did not appreciate them enough in the past....the past....the past.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Three little boys and their hats
All three men remembered the old soldier in the same way. When they were five, he was young, virile, someone to look up to. Look up to him they did. In 1952 he had fought a war that most everyone was behind- he'd killed Nazi's and that was a good thing in their young minds. A hero.
The soldier's son, born after the war, watched his dad leave for Korea. Another war- more heroism- his pride overwhelming his impulse to cry and beg his father to stay. His father left for that war on a night when all three boys were together- his son in his little twin bed- the Daniel Boone coonskin cap on his bedpost- the other two boys bunking- the boy on top, army helmet on his bedpost- the boy below, cowboy hat on his. Little men.
It was the middle of the night when his dad woke him to say goodbye. "Don't cry, son. Your father will be back." "Yessir." "You three boys take care of each while I am gone, and take care of your mother."
Saw the old soldier again in 2006, this time he was 78 years old. His son had been missing in action for at least forty years- MIA, Viet Nam. Surely he's dead, but could never be sure- his body was never recovered. The Army kept coming up with remains- DNA testing from the maternal remains- only proving that, while several GI Joe's had made their way back to American graves and long-suffering families, none of them had managed to be this old soldier's son.
He didn't mind so much for himself.
It was the boy's mother who suffered so. She descended into some kind of grief-induced dementia and finally died.
She'd run around naked and start fires everywhere.
Towards the end he had to put her on a dog leash to keep her safe.
The soldier's son, born after the war, watched his dad leave for Korea. Another war- more heroism- his pride overwhelming his impulse to cry and beg his father to stay. His father left for that war on a night when all three boys were together- his son in his little twin bed- the Daniel Boone coonskin cap on his bedpost- the other two boys bunking- the boy on top, army helmet on his bedpost- the boy below, cowboy hat on his. Little men.
It was the middle of the night when his dad woke him to say goodbye. "Don't cry, son. Your father will be back." "Yessir." "You three boys take care of each while I am gone, and take care of your mother."
Saw the old soldier again in 2006, this time he was 78 years old. His son had been missing in action for at least forty years- MIA, Viet Nam. Surely he's dead, but could never be sure- his body was never recovered. The Army kept coming up with remains- DNA testing from the maternal remains- only proving that, while several GI Joe's had made their way back to American graves and long-suffering families, none of them had managed to be this old soldier's son.
He didn't mind so much for himself.
It was the boy's mother who suffered so. She descended into some kind of grief-induced dementia and finally died.
She'd run around naked and start fires everywhere.
Towards the end he had to put her on a dog leash to keep her safe.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Powering Through Fear
A group of my friends and I watched a DVD doc called "Finding Joe" about the hero's journey by Joseph Campbell. I bought the DVD and Carl and I watched it last week. It really inspired us both to get off ours duffs this week, but…anyway, enough about that! I know I am inspired to go on my own journey finally doing some things I really want to do. I know I often resist doing the one thing I most want to do. So here's what I read today…..
If you resist the call, you are right on course. Resisting the call to the adventure is part of the journey.
It's natural to resist that which not only fills a deep need, but can also reveal where you might have fear or self doubt.
When I went to the vertigo doctor this week, he kept using the terms "empower" and "power through". I believe spiritually my vertigo is a symptom of an imbalance in my real life versus my creative life. He diagnosed me with the most common kind of vertigo and he treated it with physical therapy right there on the spot. It was so scary because he placed my head and neck and body in positions that cause great fear and distress to me- he could see how scared I was to be placed in those positions which HAVE ALWAYS caused me to have extreme vertigo, but he held me down and "empowered" me to "power through". He gave me exercises to power through a four day vertigo episode that may come in the future in only four minutes.
I can't help but think that powering through our fears might be empowering after all.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Living Life Ashamed
Someone important in my life lives with the feeling of shame every day of his life. It is the driving force of his existence. Shame denies him basic confidence in himself, and drives his belief that his life doesn't matter.
Last week he had to put his dog to sleep and this broke his heart. His dog was his closest companion. He had rescued the one year old dog from an abuser, but over the next twelve years the dog was healed because he was loved and cared for.
So when it was time to put him down, he called me crying. I took off work to be with him when he said goodbye to his friend. And this man, so driven by shame, could not believe that anyone would use their vacation time to be with him on such a day. This is someone I've loved with all my heart for fifteen years. He still can't believe anyone cares about him.
When the dog was gone and we left the veterinarian office, I realized that he had managed to heal the dog of something terrible, but I have never been able to heal the man of the lack of self esteem he lives with every day. Maybe it's because he has bipolar disorder. Maybe it's because he's complex. But it's not because he's unworthy of love.
"We can judge the heart of man by his treatment of animals." Kant said it well.
Last week he had to put his dog to sleep and this broke his heart. His dog was his closest companion. He had rescued the one year old dog from an abuser, but over the next twelve years the dog was healed because he was loved and cared for.
So when it was time to put him down, he called me crying. I took off work to be with him when he said goodbye to his friend. And this man, so driven by shame, could not believe that anyone would use their vacation time to be with him on such a day. This is someone I've loved with all my heart for fifteen years. He still can't believe anyone cares about him.
When the dog was gone and we left the veterinarian office, I realized that he had managed to heal the dog of something terrible, but I have never been able to heal the man of the lack of self esteem he lives with every day. Maybe it's because he has bipolar disorder. Maybe it's because he's complex. But it's not because he's unworthy of love.
"We can judge the heart of man by his treatment of animals." Kant said it well.
When you think you don't matter
After writing my last post I remembered someone I needed to thank. George Blooston. He was the finance editor of AARP magazine some years back (and my facebook friend) and he put out a call to talk to anyone buried in debt. I answered the call.
I fit the bill and someone interviewed me, wrote it up, all that. But George followed up. "Fax me everything" "show me your debt, your interest rates, everything." I did.
He called me. We talked for two hours. "You'll never get out of debt- not in your lifetime because you won't give up your credit cards."
This was the hard fact I needed to hear and believe. It had to sink in. When it did I got rid of all my credit cards, and as I said before....I'm only a couple of months away from being debt free. I no longer use credit cards and live within my means, on a budget.
George Blooston actually changed my life. I went to Facebook to thank him and found his obituary. I was devastated.
If you ever think you don't matter, or that you cannot change someone's life, just know that you can and you do every day if you take the time to care about someone else, and tell them the cold, hard truth they need to hear. It may be easier to help a stranger. They may never say thank you. They may not get the chance.
I'm not worthy of the help this man gave me. Upon reading his obituary I found out that he was simply marvelous and beloved, multi talented and revered.
George Blooston, 1955-2011
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=george-r-blooston&pid=153420731
I fit the bill and someone interviewed me, wrote it up, all that. But George followed up. "Fax me everything" "show me your debt, your interest rates, everything." I did.
He called me. We talked for two hours. "You'll never get out of debt- not in your lifetime because you won't give up your credit cards."
This was the hard fact I needed to hear and believe. It had to sink in. When it did I got rid of all my credit cards, and as I said before....I'm only a couple of months away from being debt free. I no longer use credit cards and live within my means, on a budget.
George Blooston actually changed my life. I went to Facebook to thank him and found his obituary. I was devastated.
If you ever think you don't matter, or that you cannot change someone's life, just know that you can and you do every day if you take the time to care about someone else, and tell them the cold, hard truth they need to hear. It may be easier to help a stranger. They may never say thank you. They may not get the chance.
I'm not worthy of the help this man gave me. Upon reading his obituary I found out that he was simply marvelous and beloved, multi talented and revered.
George Blooston, 1955-2011
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=george-r-blooston&pid=153420731
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Long time, no hear from myself
Measuring time is painful and if you are a blogger...and a writer...and you don't do either one for a very long time, you realize that...nobody may care, not even...one. bit. I do have many good reasons for not blogging, though. You know, the thing is- I don't know it all, and so I write what I know, which is not alot, then I go back for a year or more and I let others teach me something (thank you, Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, and Beth Moore) so that I can come back and share it with the e-verse, or at least start writing again for my one follower.
I can measure the last year and a half of my life by - three grandchildren, one cat love gone, another cat love arriving, parents with health issues, children with financial difficulties, friends in pain, friends having fun, cancer, two surgeries, facebook friends in pain, spiritual pursuits, reading books, and the day job. But what I will remember this time by is the journey to freedom that I am experiencing because in three months, I will be out of debt.
The last time I wrote I was struggling to get out of debt. I've been living on a budget for almost five years. The debt counselors call it a "tomato soup budget," but my health has no room for sodium and no budget for soup. I live paycheck to paycheck indeed, but I live. I pay everything on time. I have managed car repairs, home repairs, clothes (on clearance), occasional hair cuts and manicures (sigh), and Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts are tricky. I do so want to be wildly generous with the people I love, not frugal and worried or embarrassed about what I give them.
Let me repeat---Three more payments and I will be debt free. About nine months ago I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! It is not a train, as they say.
I still receive phone calls and emails lamenting from my friends in debt- and oh my gosh, are they unhappy...I just smile and say "you have to tear up your credit card and get on a cash plan." They ignore me and go to the wailing wall. I know a few folks who live off parents, live on unemployment for as long as it is humanly possible to pretend to be looking for a job (or actually looking and not finding anything at all), lots of people who pretend to be successful actors (posting on facebook anyway- things that are meant to make everyone jealous, but if you count- they are posting about two gigs a year- maybe $1K?) The thing is any of us would like to be living some easier way, but steady pay and steady chipping away at it works. Evil Debt will be behind me in three months.
(on a side note, one of my friends - an actor- refers to George Clooney as "George"- as if she knows him. OH MY GOSH. "I like George," she says. Really?????)
Now if the world ends in December 2012, I will be pissed off having spent one paycheck a month for five years getting out of debt when I could have been spending all that money on toys...or actually meeting "George" in person...
...not really. I would have never had enough cash to actually be in the same universe with "George." Hangin' with "George".
I believe that my debt ending will be the first freedom I have ever had, beyond the freedom given to me that I did not earn when I was born here in America. At least I can say I am earning this one and that makes me proud.
I can measure the last year and a half of my life by - three grandchildren, one cat love gone, another cat love arriving, parents with health issues, children with financial difficulties, friends in pain, friends having fun, cancer, two surgeries, facebook friends in pain, spiritual pursuits, reading books, and the day job. But what I will remember this time by is the journey to freedom that I am experiencing because in three months, I will be out of debt.
The last time I wrote I was struggling to get out of debt. I've been living on a budget for almost five years. The debt counselors call it a "tomato soup budget," but my health has no room for sodium and no budget for soup. I live paycheck to paycheck indeed, but I live. I pay everything on time. I have managed car repairs, home repairs, clothes (on clearance), occasional hair cuts and manicures (sigh), and Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts are tricky. I do so want to be wildly generous with the people I love, not frugal and worried or embarrassed about what I give them.
Let me repeat---Three more payments and I will be debt free. About nine months ago I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! It is not a train, as they say.
I still receive phone calls and emails lamenting from my friends in debt- and oh my gosh, are they unhappy...I just smile and say "you have to tear up your credit card and get on a cash plan." They ignore me and go to the wailing wall. I know a few folks who live off parents, live on unemployment for as long as it is humanly possible to pretend to be looking for a job (or actually looking and not finding anything at all), lots of people who pretend to be successful actors (posting on facebook anyway- things that are meant to make everyone jealous, but if you count- they are posting about two gigs a year- maybe $1K?) The thing is any of us would like to be living some easier way, but steady pay and steady chipping away at it works. Evil Debt will be behind me in three months.
(on a side note, one of my friends - an actor- refers to George Clooney as "George"- as if she knows him. OH MY GOSH. "I like George," she says. Really?????)
Now if the world ends in December 2012, I will be pissed off having spent one paycheck a month for five years getting out of debt when I could have been spending all that money on toys...or actually meeting "George" in person...
...not really. I would have never had enough cash to actually be in the same universe with "George." Hangin' with "George".
I believe that my debt ending will be the first freedom I have ever had, beyond the freedom given to me that I did not earn when I was born here in America. At least I can say I am earning this one and that makes me proud.
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